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Wednesday, June 29, 2005A satire on Bush's SpeechI couldn't bring myself to listen to Bush tell lies, lies, & mo lies, so this is courtesy of the Angry Black Bitch. Enjoy... We are so fucked... A bitch was saddened to read the comments on yesterday’s post. Specifically the comment made by Monkey, who has experienced the true wages of war. A bitch wanted to share this with you and to say to Monkey…a bitch thanks you for sharing...for what it's worth, your comment and post touched me deeply. Moving on... My bitchy ass sat down with a very strong vodka cran and a full pack of cigs to listen to Scooter last night. When preparing for a Presidential address, one must first determine which media misinformation vehicle to view. A bitch chose CNN as my primary vehicle with a TiVo backup of NBC. Wolfie (we are so close you just wouldn’t believe my ass if I shared the details) was looking flushed and windblown. This bitch adores Wolf Blitzer! Too cute! NBC had desperately inserted Tim Russert’s overworked ass into their coverage, because the new baby anchor replacement for Brokaw has been know to fuck up live news. That poor producer must have been shitting bricks! DRAMA. Hit pause… Quickly pop 2 new wanna-be Sudafed pills (they’ve introduced a new version that is Meth resistant or something…trust me, its not as much fun) and 2 Motrin (because Scooter makes my neck tense up and being proactive is totally required). Freshen vodka cran and light cigs. Take a deep breath, ‘cause it’s hard to breath when wallowing in a huge vat of bullshit… Hit play… ABB’s Recap of Scooter in a time of crisis…Scooter’s attempt to rally the masses can best be explored through an examination of his comments. He doesn’t really do “speeches”. It was more of a continuous stream of randomly connected phrases containing the words 9/11… My greatest responsibility as President is to protect the American people…Actually, Scooter, your principle responsibility is to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States. You also swore to faithfully execute the office of the Presidency. But fuck it! Who takes that oath shit seriously? We will take the fight to our enemy!But honey, we didn’t invade Saudi Arabia! Didn’t all the highjackers come from there? A bitch is confused!! And what about Iran building the bomb and North Korea building more bombs? A bitch thinks that we might have gone a wee bit off course…accidentally on purpose. This bitch longs for the good old days, when our government would have had the decency to plant WMD in Iraq after throwing our collective ass into a multi-year war. Where’s my Soylent Green! We will defeat them abroad before they attack us at home! Once again…a bitch is confused. Iraq is not connected to 9/11, so did my ass miss another attack somewhere? For the record, invading Iraq so that you can attack Saudis who have entered Iraq to fight as insurgents seems a wee bit complicated. Was this the plan? Did this comment make sense when it left your mouth, Scooter? A bitch is concerned! We are removing a source of violence and instability!Motherfucker, have you looked at the news? Jesus! Are we talking about the same war? Somebody PLEASE slap me and wake me up from the bloody nightmare! Hey kids! Have you ever considered a career in the military? Seriously. Scooter made a fucking enlistment pitch mid-speech. ABB is now taking bets on the timing of the draft…not the possibility…the timing. As Osama said, Iraq is where the war is and Iraq is where we will fight (or something like that…only in Arabic). Yes, chil’ren, Scooter actually quoted Bin laden to make his point. A bitch has no words…no words at all… Scooter made a total of (6) September 11 references to justify our war with Iraq, which is a country that had nothing to do with the attacks…did you hear that you neo-con war hungry freaks…they had NOTHING TO FUCKING DO WITH THE ATTACKS! And finally, in response to the nation’s concerns over when this war with a constantly changing purpose will end… We will stand down when the Iraqi people stand up! Great. That’s just fucking great. It’s official. We are so fucked.  
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